There were no white flashes of light or great shifting in the cosmos or my immediate environment. NO-thing happened.
Only the message THIS IS IT. I felt this truth in my bones, blood, and soles of my feet. Breathing was easier. BE-ing was.
Three words capable of holding as much beauty and hope for the experience of this vibrant life as is divinely possible. You being born and being alive is the coveted Golden Ticket.
OR three words containing a damning finality of a meager existence. Kind of like I was expecting the Golden Ticket and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
If I had been listening to God five years ago, drowning in alcoholism, self-hatred, and the bottomless cocktail FearRageBlameShame, and THIS is the message I received, I would have told God he/she/it could go fuck themselves.
I used to curse at God a lot. My life wasn’t easy. And it was perfect. The fear. The anger. The blame. The shame. My insane mother. The seatbelt that saved my life and lacerated my liver. The millions of malignant mini monsters that wanted me dead and took up residence in my neck. Every blackout. Every misstep. It was all God. It was all perfect.
I think it’s possible to fall in love with the parts of yourself that used to terrify you. In fact, I recommend it.
Today I’m listening more. Fear, rage, shame, and blame still play mini-roles in my life. They inflame themselves when I need to learn something, lately that more love is always the answer. And that I need to point that love first at myself for it to have the greatest impact on others.
My mom is still unhinged.The polar caps are melting. The world is in chaos. Evil is alive. I’ve heard that EVIL spelled backwards is LIVE. That evil is the divine showing us how NOT to be. The absence of God shows us God’s presence.
And I am not afraid. I see Consciousness working in all of it, the light and the shadow, in every action and event, God is everywhere. God is everyone.
If you woke up grumpy AF, lost your keys, watched Netflix all day and are still wearing the same yoga pants from yesterday; that’s God choosing to be you as you.
If you woke up grateful AF, meditated, volunteered and are having the best hair day EVER; that’s the Divine choosing to be you as you.
If you remember and handle life like a boss. That’s Consciousness choosing to be you as you.
If you forget and handle life like a bratty child. That’s Spirit choosing to be you as you.
You’ve won the Golden Ticket.
There is no wrong way to be you.
There is no right way to be you.
There is only Being and you being you is enough.
When you live this way long enough, believing this to be true with awareness and presence, God no longer chooses to be you.